So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
