so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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