I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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