she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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