It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
