she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
