We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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