Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
