I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can't put those talents on a resume
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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