hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
