here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
