alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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