when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
