True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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