So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
