if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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