woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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