I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
