I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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