Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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