Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
