I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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