Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
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