I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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