do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
