I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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