Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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