He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There r osticjed everywhere
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I forget how to act sober
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
