i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
