Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
