i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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