you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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