I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
