Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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