is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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