she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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