so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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