Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
