don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
