So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
