I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
