Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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