I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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