there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
