As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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