plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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