Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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