just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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