Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
