That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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