College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
