He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
