She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
We smell like vodka and hangover
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